yo.

Coming up for air

I've been having trouble with getting my air in and any type of cardio as well; I came from running a huge race in August to now, not being able to make it up a flight of stairs without having to stop and catch my breath. I took a look back at what could be different since August until now; diet, types of food?, then by coincidence my bulk supply of Advil rolled out of my training bag.........Hmmmmm, it was around the same time I started pushing myself that I started on what I thought was keeping in check my strain and pain management program by using Ibuprofin and wondered if this might have something to do with it. I did a lot of reading and research and in a certain percentage of athsmatics Ibuprofen mixed with certain drugs for treating asthma can have dire and sometimes fatal consequences. I stopped taking Ibuprofin and my aches and pains came back but so did my ability to breathe; last Saturdays fitness class was the first time in months that I made it through in a style that was reminiscent of my previous ability. I'll have to see how it goes over the next while, but I also did the chest x-ray, am going for the full meal deal of tests and have an upcoming Dr. appointment just to be sure. Second, coincidently during this search I also started to look at the amount of sugar in my diet and I'm finding it alarming at how much sugar supposedly some healthy marketed foods have in them. So we'll see where this all goes, but hopefully I've found what ail's me.

Things seem to be coming back

I guess I had this idea about ramping up my training, diet and lifestyle a while back and unfortunately it ended up tanking me instead of reaping any benefits; so, I figured I'd go back to where I was and what I was doing before as it's got me this far and in all reality, it wasn't and wouldn't be sustainable. My weight drop has stabilized and although I have settled into a weight that I'm not happy with, at least I can work with it from here; I guess it will be finding that healthy desirable balance that will be a daily inspiration to continue with as time goes on. On the mental front, I have been focusing so much on a "deadline day" that I forgot to focus on "the now, the after and the continuation" of what life will bring as I continue. "My temper" is still on active duty and ready to be unleashed at those certain trigger moments; for example; I did about a 3K run to pick up my car from the body shop one morning and when I walked in the door the "Chicklet girl" behind the counter asked me if  "I was ok"? Sure I was sweating and somewhat catching my breath, but that question took me to instant asshole status level 10 and I couldn't let it go at that (Chicklet girls are the ones that if you grab their neck and shake them they'd probably sound like a box of Chicklets). Grrrrrrr, WELL, I'll have you know, "I did a leg of the Death Race in August and at this time I'm preparing to challenge a Black Belt test plus after this transaction I'm off to the gym,..... the blank stare response was probably a result of her being so impressed by all that, .....yeah,.... I hate it when I fail those random serenity tests. I guess in all reality I'm just running through a lot of fears and uncertainty of the future.

Not going as per planned

I took an extended holiday from work and was going to get into better shape, hit the gym on a regular basis, catch up on things, clear up all my outstanding chores, refine my forms, dieting and workouts, attend as many classes as possible, review my curriculum, but things aren't going as I'd hoped. I stepped on the scale and I've lost 14 lbs in 5 weeks,........this is not what I'd set out to do. For most people struggling with their weight this might be a blessing but for me I'm at the opposite end of the scale; "losing weight for me is a dangerous, slippery slope to be on". I understand the struggle with being overweight (whatever our advertisers/marketers or social media types say that to be), but I'm from the other end of the scale of always trying to stay away from being "underweight"; I eat until it hurts, I fill up before bed and wake up at 3am and have to have a snack, I'm 3 lbs from as I call it my "danger weight", where as soon as I hit 215 my weight can spiral down out of control and it stops where it stops and all I can do is sometimes say, "c'mon God, not fair"!!! The side effects of this are starting to appear, the loss of appetite, my fuse is a little shorter, refocusing takes a bit to notice, even though I don't seem to concerned; I can do 40 pushups in a row, I used to do 60, I can do 30 sit ups in a row; I used to do 50, I have a regular weight routine at the gym; I'm struggling with the endurance there as well, but on a positive note; the yard looks immaculate, the bikes and vehicles are washed and serviced, the house is ready for a "Better Homes and Gardens" inspection, but in all reality, if I'm caught up on all of this I'm usually doing too much. So, what to do? I guess this is one of those times where the adventure and learning begins when the plan changes and do what you have to do to get everything back on track.

Catching up and clearing up

This past few weeks has been about catching up on all the things I have put off since who knows when. There are those time and temperature sensitive items that have to be done at this time of the year, there are things that I simply chose to put off when I had the time, house repairs, vehicle/motorcycle maintenance, Doctor, professional appointments; but if I dig deep enough, most of it comes down to one of my character defects of "procrastination". When I set a small something aside that needed to be done right now, "it", after a time starts to weigh on my mind and take away my focus. For some people, I guess they can have a "to do" list and they get things done on a regular basis, but for me it clouds my thoughts and sets a spiral of misguided thoughts and gets me into an agitated state that make the undone chores seem like mountains vs. what they really are, "just things that need to be done".  So this past while I've had to have those conscious conversations with myself, keeping on top of my head saying "I'll get to it later", to "get this done now, you have the time, because really, you don't have the time"! So in-between training, planning the elimination of my outstanding responsibilities, my list is getting smaller and smaller, the tension is starting to dissipate, as for me, "time management" is hard work, but I really like the feeling of getting caught up and being somewhat more relaxed and functioning smoothly.

wow, Wow and WOW!

It's been a week of observation that raises the bar on a lot of things. The first "wow" was being a part of the World Triathlon Finals Motorcycle support crew and not really realizing the magnitude of what the event stood for and what I had become involved in. Being on the actual racetrack, marshalling the judges, keeping the track safe and supervised was a larger event that I had expected, but having such a hands on first time learning experience as this, all I could say was, "wow"! Continuing on with the Triathlon; doing the pre ride with the "Para" athletes, people who have lost the use of certain functions of their lower limbs and bodies. Seeing people propel themselves competitively in specialized wheelchairs, paracycles, hand cycles, visually impaired tandem cyclists was inspiring beyond words. As we passed through traffic inspecting the course, people observing those who had overcome unimaginable obstacles were welling up with tears, looking into their vehicles, I could see they were saying "Wow" as well! The third WOW came unexpectedly on a simple hiking trail......We were walking along doing the tourist thing and an older couple was taking pictures of each other at a popular viewpoint, we asked if they wanted a couple picture taken and they were ok with it. But what rattled me or should I say made me take a look at my "man card" was when we took the picture, he looked at his wife, not the camera, it was the most purely romantic, honest look I have ever seen from one person to another, WOW! All things combined, these three things made me look at doing the best I can with something new, looking at what and where my inspiration is as I overcome obstacles and will I become as great as some of the men that are put in my path? It's been a good week.

Just coming up blank right now.......

I'm looking for something inspiring to blog about, but I'm coming up blank for the day and have been for the week. I'm getting all my work related jobs finished before Tuesday and my boss is trying to cram in everything he can, as if I'm "employee of the month" and have no other plans, but come Tuesday, I'm gone! I'm taking my ten weeks of holidays. I'm gone, I'm taking the time, I'm jumping on the bike, taking in a 4 day motorcycle travellers meeting in Nakusp B.C.; I've signed up for volunteer positions while I'm there, because there's something about giving back that inspires me; then once I'm back I'm volunteering by marshalling dignitaries on my motorcycle in a triathlon, then it'll be nothing but eat and train. This might not seem like a lot of excitement for having this amount of time off, but this is for me. I already see myself in the mountains doing my forms, requirements, studying my curriculum.  I have the pedal bike ready for when I'm back, to go from home, to the kwoon and the gym and nothing else. I think I'm going to enjoy this. Robert.