Any more thoughts Einstein?

After shovelling my neighbors and my driveways one night this past week I leaned against my car, took a look around, gathered my thoughts and felt this moment of sadness that I had a hard time describing, I thought what the heck is missing? I know there's those everyday moments where things are never perfect but somethings just not fitting; even though I felt like it, I'm just too old to pack up and run away. Ok, so when in doubt, phone a buddy, someone who knows all about me, from my quirks to my qualities. We had a good talk late into the night and sometimes you just need to run your stuff past someone who'll give you some feedback to get you out of yourself. I hadn't taken the time to appreciate life, or perhaps got caught up in my busyness to look at everything as a gift; "everything is a gift, everything around you", from the smallest and simplest of things; the ability I have to make a living, the ok'ness of hearing the furnace kicking in and knowing I earned that benefit of that warmth, the food in the fridge, a place to call my own, a woman who cares for me (even though sometimes I wonder why and try to screw that up as much as I can), I could increase the list infinitely, but even the smallest of the small in life is a gift. An attitude of appreciation was eluding me. I got caught up in my own thoughts and that's such a active place of nothingness to be in. I was being selfish, I was thinking about my "plan" and how life should work out instead of giving of myself and being available. I know I'm not much, but darn it, somedays I'm all I think about.......but then again, that's when the trouble starts.